Out of my Nightmare Wellotonin was born.
HI, So, most have seen my posts on instagram, with a variety of pics and my special avatar speaking about Wellotonin Nutritional Supplement Formula.
How did this begin, I never set out to create and sell any type of supplement. Actually it would be the last thing in my mind. I was more than happy, working as a licensed psychotherapist in my own private practice. Sure, I was not going to get rich but I was comfortable, and I had some flexibility.
In a perfect world, none of this would have changed. But, we don’t live in a perfect world, and my okay world would be completely turned upside down.
In 2007, I suddenly began to experience “intrusive thoughts” that is the clinical term, but the average person would know it as “self-injuring” thoughts. These are not thoughts to kill yourself, just to hurt yourself badly in a variety of different ways. Mine began with the ideas of putting my hand in the garbage disposal when it was going, throwing my car into park when I was on the highway driving, then there was drinking the laundry detergent, stabbing myself into the stomach whenever I was cutting anything with a knife. And of course, there is the desire to run the tops of metal cans up and down your arms.
I was living with these types of destructive commands, which would be called in the clinical world, “obsessive thoughts.” I was not about to carry them out, and I fought it day and night. At times, it became so loud, I had to unplug the garbage disposal and booby trap the house at night. I was afraid, I may do something in my sleep state to myself. For this reason, it was important to set up something to trip over, and wake myself.
During the day, I kept it all a secret from everyone. I knew this type of disclosure would bring me all types of recommendations to go see a doctor. As a therapist,I also knew these types of thoughts were considered “psychotic thoughts” and doctors would want to prescribe anti-psychotics.
I was that person that was totally against the idea of most medications. You really had to twist my arm for me to accept I needed blood pressure medication. Never did I use anything for a cold or pain other than an occasional Advil.
So, the idea of using anti-psychotics was never going to happen. I also knew I was being tortured by my own mind. Other than working, my life had become a dimension where there was no place soft to fall or land.
I knew I could not continue like this too much longer. I made a very harsh decision, finding relief or taking my life. I really liked the relief option better, though. How was I going to find a way to make “intrusive thoughts” stop. I really wasn’t that bright.
First thing that was essential was documentation. I had to understand all the specifics about everything surrounding me and my intrusive thoughts. I began to journal every day, every thing that happened from morning to night. I included all the daily events, and all the mental demands. I included if they were heard softer, medium or really loud. What were the commands, and how prevalent.
It was all time consuming, and honestly I had no idea if it was going to even mean anything. I wanted to take some control back, since I felt like I was falling into the black abyss a little more every day.
Eventually with all my journaling, I noticed patterns were beginning to surface. I began to recognize on good days, where there were no negative events my symptoms were less. The commands were lower in volume, and less prevalent. I also noticed in days, where I had fights and put out fires my symptoms were intensified and the destructive commands were screaming in my ears like a 5 year old having a non-stop temper tantrum. So, it was evident there was a direct correlation between the events in my day, and the level of “intrusive thoughts” that I was daily experiencing.
This pattern was consistent and meaningful. As a therapist, I already believed that the serotonin was the most important of our brain chemicals. Sure there was dopamine, but I considered that the “slow drip.” Meaning, it would not be depleted unless someone did something extreme to their brain, like heroin.
Serotonin was the most important brain chemical or “neurotransmitter.” Serotonin was at the control panel of all our thoughts, feelings and subsequent behaviors.
What became blatantly evident since Serotonin was at the helm, and I was a Licensed psychotherapist the days my symptoms were more mild, my Serotonin was higher. The days where I wanted to run from my own skin, my serotonin was lower.
There was the answer. Our serotonin is completely affected by the events in our lives. When the serotonin is raised, the symptoms begin to diminish. There is was, the answer to the “meaning of life” I had figured it all out. So, to feel better, one had to raise their serotonin. It was just that simple.
So, first idea get rid of all the people who drove me nuts. “clean house” for a better word. Find everything that made me happy and dive into it, whether it was my living environment, food, interests. Just do anything I like and raise my serotonin and my symptoms would be reduced.
Again, it is not a perfect world. Here I knew what to do, but I had no idea how to get it done. Several months later everything began to change. I had met with a new client who was curious, as to why she felt better when she ate the same foods in another country. She indicated there she did not feel depressed, or anxious. Actually, she described feeling less stressed and so much happier. That was when it all hit me. It was our foods.
The vitamins and minerals in our foods were not helping us. Whether it was all the chemicals that murdered the vitamins or all the over-processing, and our bodies inability to absorb, I don’t know. I am not a chemist. What I did know in order to feel better, we needed to get our nutrients in supplement form.
So I began utilizing my nutrition and dietetics education from my undergraduate, I used myself as a petri dish and guinea pig. I experimented with all the vitamins and minerals. I researched, and did it all over again. Really, what was my other option. For several months I failed miserably. Believe me the thoughts were there to remind and punish me. With each and every failure came lower serotonin.
Then came the day,I mixed and tweaked something correctly, A day by pure serendipity, since I had also consumed some sardines for lunch. That day I would consider my real birthday; I was born again. After just a few hours, I began to notice the “intrusive thoughts” were getting softer. It seemed like they were just moving further away from my head. This continued to improve and improve. With every little improvement I sat there in awe. I was speechless, and thrilled.
Just like that they were now gone. After almost 2 years, the “intrusive” destructive, torturous commands and demands had stopped. I must have stood there for at least 5 minutes, recognizing I was hearing nothing, complete silence. I really had no words just one thought. Was this a fluke, a temporary fix?
Was it going to all come back tomorrow? Every day I continued taking this same combination of vitamins, minerals and fish. My “intrusive” thoughts never came back. As more days passed, I began to recognize more changes.
My anger was also diminishing. I was not procrastinating as much and I had more motivation to do things. My mind remained quiet and I was sleeping soundly. Every day, I was feeling happier inside, happier than I had felt my entire life.
I began analyzing all the events. Clearly, I now knew when my serotonin was rising since I was getting better in general. Since these types of “intrusive thoughts” and “severe anger” had never been a problem for me before, it was evident my serotonin had never fallen this low before.
There were the rest of the pieces of this puzzle staring me in the face. Just why my serotonin had fallen so low this time. In 2006, I had been attacked by my cousin’s Rottweiler, and lost the use of my left hand. I had to suffer painful occupational therapy, while learning how to do everything including writing with my right hand.
The bite had become infected, I was hospitalized for 12 days. For protection I was required to have a PIC line to my heart with medication every day. (I had no choice) Then the family was severed, and there went my cousin and best friend. I had to shut my counseling office for days, because fear someone might accidentally hit my pic line which would send me to the emergency room. Then came the next nightmare, the court case and all the lies.
In retrospect,there had not been a good thing in my life for months. So, yes it made sense “why” my serotonin level had fallen into the toilet. It all made perfect sense. This began to make sense also. When OCD becomes severe, it can manifest into “self-injuring” aka “intrusive thoughts”
I continued to use my formula which would become known later as “Wellotonin” for months. It was my little secret, a wonderful little secret. In 2009, a new female client came to see me. She indicated she was severely depressed and moved to Florida after leaving her home town since it was now financially devastated. She explained that all the manufacturing had stopped,and she moved and laid on her sofa for the last 6 months.
She stated that she had tried anti-depressants but they were not working. Now, her marriage was at stake. She had been thinking of ending her life. So, I shared with her about my situation, and my vitamin /mineral combination. Maybe it would help her, it surely could not hurt.
The following week she came in with some “pep in her step.” She indicated she was feeling a lot better. The second week, she had begun thinking of a new home business. The third week, she cancelled her appointment. She left me this message. She thanked me for giving her back her life. Now, she had months to catch up. Now, I knew the formula worked for depression.
The next client I suggested take it was an adolescent. She had become so mean and angry the family was afraid. The parents loved that my “formula” was natural, and not medication. It helped their daughter with her anger, and the family could finally find some peace.
It became clear now that anger was all about Serotonin. I will fast forward, as all the clients had the same result. My formula was effective, safe and worked really quickly. I also began recognizing that so many clients issues were rooted in either depression, anxiety, OCD, anger. They began to use the formula. What happened next? They also began to process information better, faster. They began to improve quickly and some of their issues just fell away by themselves.
Eventually, I began to compound the formula to keep it free of other elements. As more clients got better, more people were interested in trying my formula which I called Wellotonin. It was the combination of Well and Serotonin. People who were not my clients but knew one of my clients wanted to get the product.
The demand was increasing. It had been several years and knew it was this good. I learned that mental health functioning, well “It was just that simple.” Next I patented the formula, and eventually trademarked the name.
I thought people would be just as receptive to using Wellotonin as my clients were all these years. Bringing awareness and reception has been much slower than I could have ever fathomed. I know deep down all the people and customers that I have helped, so I continue to go forward. I continue to try to gain exposure for Wellotonin. I want people to know their mental health symptoms are not chronic and they are not mysterious. They are the product of their serotonin falling too low, because of all the negative events in their life.
I wanted them to embrace, that their conditions only have to be a “temporary chemical imbalance” And to feel better, give your brain what it needs, it will take it from there. “It is just that simple.”
Out of my own misery, I created Wellotonin. I hope it was not all for naught. It seems so many are brainwashed by the medical doctors, and find it incredible that they can restore their mental health, by just giving the brain the nutrients it needs.
Ironically, the ones that believe me are “big pharma” because they have sicked their cronies on me, aka the insurance companies. After almost a decade, I have been terminated by most of the insurance companies. Why, because I have a natural product that works and is a much healthier option than their medications.
They learned my counseling clients did not go to psychiatrists or get medications, yet using my formula they actually got better. They wanted to cut off my stream to their clients.
I sacrificed everything for mankind, since I could have kept it all a secret. Now, I am becoming financially devastated, since I cannot get the necessary exposure. My budget is limited because sales are not coming in fast enough.
I really have no idea what is going to happen. I have enough to get through the next three months. The biggest irony of all, is I have probably created the best product and yet I can’t get enough people to recognize this. If I go down in flames, I have decided to just take my formula with me. It is patented, and no one can duplicate it. It would be just a shame.
They say, Man makes plans and God Laughs. I guess he is laughing his head off. That is just so sad.
If you need any more information, please feel free to contact me through instagram or email my instagram name is Wellotonin.
Sheila- I am glad you wrote in. Your story has so many interesting lessons to learn. Clearly, in hind sight- you can now see the meaning for and silver lining in the devastating circumstances that happened and led to what would be such a blessing for so many- your supplement. It’s natural, it works and most people even with limited income can probably afford it.
That being said- you are also clearly seeing that the dark hates the light and many many before you have had the same experience by being silenced before something that truly can help others becomes available.
Don’t give up. This very well could be just another step stone down your path of greatness. Keep the faith, keep the hustle and don’t allow something like financial ruin (though devastating) to write upon the slate of who you are. You are not your financial situation. Will Wellotonin ever get it’s chance to gain momentum and hit the market and help people? I can’t answer that. What I can say though is that no matter what happens- there has already been a way provided for you if you’ll just hold on and keep fighting. Once we stop fighting for what we want, what we DON’T want inevitably takes over. In the meantime I would suggest perhaps partnering with someone who already has a thriving supplement business to see if they would help carry and market your line. You can’t do this by yourself. One of the hardest parts it coming up with the right formula… the other hardest part is figuring out how to get the sales up/market it/take the orders and fulfill them. You just need the right team around you. Emphasis on RIGHT. I will let this mull over in my head a bit and see if I have any great ideas to throw your way. Just don’t give up. – Kate