The aftermath was worse than the abuse…

My name is Stephanie Corrao, I am a 35 year old single mother of a wonderful 5 year old boy. My son was conceived through an affair with a married man and when my son was 3, his father walked away from us completely, at the same time that this happened, I met what I thought was the most amazing man. He made life sound so amazing that how could I not be intrigued. After he got me by making us official is when the behavior started to change. He would get verbally mean towards me and start fights over nothing, only to keep me in limbo and to try to win him back even after I didn’t do anything to lose him.

I was a successful woman who had everything going for me, I was in tthe process of purchasing a beautiful home and that is when he made his swoop. he wanted to get married, so now as excited as I was, I still knew in my gut that something wasn’t right, he had my son start calling him daddy and things seemed to be moving really fast. We booked our wedding which was not a small wedding, it included top of the line everything including 320 guests. So within 18 months, we were engaged, moved in together and married. 6 weeks after the wedding, I went through his phone, only to find out that he had been cheating on me the entire relationship, doing drugs when he was with my child, obsessed with porn and hookers, would sneak out of the house while I sleeping to meet up with Internet hookers, had naked pictures of him and other woman in his phone. This is just to mention a few. I immediately threw him out.

He tried everything to try to justify all his wrong doings but i was not buying it. I knew all along the abuse he put me through for the last year was not normal and my gut had always told me to get away from him but I was so manipulated to the point of not even living. It took him 3 days to leave my home, but that didn’t end it there. For the next 11 months, 7 restraining orders and 6 domestic violence cases later, he has dedicated his life to harass, stalk and hurt me anyway he can, all the way to posting naked pictures of me and false stories about me and my child all over the Internet. It has cost me over $50,000 in legal fees just to try to get these posts he made removed to save my son from any future embarrassment. Everything I had and worked so hard for, I was losing little by little. Here is a piece from my book coming out soon to explain how I felt and what was happening to me:

“I couldn’t believe what was happening, I had filed report after report with the police, but he was not being arrested because I couldn’t prove it was him. I had gone to so many police stations, I went and met with a detective crying and pleading for help. She didn’t even care about my whole story she just wanted to get right to the point but that was the problem, my story was not short and it was so hard to explain the spoofing and fake emails. She took the report and said she would get back to me, I never heard from her again. And while I waited for help and filed reports day in and day out, Chris was still harassing every waking minute of my life and the things he was saying about how ugly and fat I am, how terrible of a mother I am and how my son hates me, talking about my dead mother being so disappointed at me, hearing the worst things about me every second took over my life. I felt dead inside. Worse than when I was with him. He started stalking my home, my job, he would send me messages of decorations in my window, and who would be at my house. It started to really scare me. I remember walking out of the one the precincts and telling them that when he kills me is when you’ll arrest him. I was afraid he was going to just kill me one day as I was walking to my car. Days and days go by and still myself esteem is getting killed, I would sit on my bedroom floor and cry. My son would see me so sad and ask why I was sad. I was so beyond a level of broken that even he; my own son couldn’t make the fact that I wanted to die go away. I would wish at night that I would wake up dead. The emotional abuse took over my life, I would tell my best friend and she would say, don’t think like that, you have a son who needs you, and my response what I really felt at the moment was, my son is better off without me, I can’t be here for him in any way. I was crippled. I was so emotionally and mentally abused that I had believed that my son was better off with me dead, because I felt I was dead anyway.”

I am still fighting this battle everyday, I start trial next week and I’ve been 7 months no contact. Every day gets harder and harder but when you truly appreciate your freedom, you life will open up so many new doors. I never knew what freedom was until I was was abused, Freedom is amazing and just being able to have your own thoughts is one of the most precious gifts you can ever receive. My gut knew all along and I’ve learned that through this experience that to always always trust your gut. It is the most powerful tool you’ll ever have.

My instagram account is sociopath_abuse_survivor, and my personal account is enzobenzo11
Always follow your gut and always remember if something feels wrong, it usually is. 

Stephanie- Thank you for sharing your story.  The sad part is, you are not alone.  There are so many women and men out there with similar stories.  They are living a nightmare at the hands of someone that is supposed to love them with no sign of them stopping their behavior.  You are absolutely spot on when you say the aftermath is worse than the abuse…at least for me, that rings true.  When I was raped, the aftermath was a thousand times worse than the actual event.  You’d never in a million years think that you would go to people for help just to have them not believe you.  I remember being made to feel like I was crazy or somehow remembered reality different than anyone else.

Don’t let them bury your truth.  You keep fighting.  You keep telling your story until someone believes you.  You are courageous and I am glad that you are doing what it takes to make sure he can’t hurt anyone else.- Kate

One thought on “The aftermath was worse than the abuse…

  1. tresza

    Sometimes, too often, as women we MOVE TO FAST. There is no way your child should have been w/a man you didn’t know that well. We continue to brush off those real gut feelings that are warning us to proceed w/caution or not to proceed at all.

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