Divorced, lonely and Transgendered

I’m in the process of getting divorce. I just got 14 restraining orders against me.

I guess the day I told my wife’s lawyers that I wanted her to have the houses and the business that I funded with my 401k meant nothing to me when I realized she planned this and intended to divorce me. I was left with -24.00 in my account.

She told people I was an alcoholic and I got help. I did it for her, it only made her more angry. She pretended she wanted to get back with me and then I found out she just wanted me to sign the settlement. I’m still confused and hurt. I’m just glad that I didn’t kill myself like my Transgender aunt did when she was my age. I’m also Transgender. My ex told me that I’ll never be man enough and nobody will take me seriously.

I started looking into law of attraction, I started losing friends left and right. That actually hurt more than my marriage. Now that my top surgery is on May 16, I’m so scared. I don’t know if I’m doing this despite of what happened to me, or if I’m doing this for myself. All I know is I came to the understanding that I became limitless because of the pain I’ve been through. What bothers me is I’m very sensitive and I see through people. As much as I wanna save the world, I’m barely breathing.

It’s building my character though. This divorce is taking longer than I anticipated because the lawyers want more money from us. It’s so sad, I never wanted to be married. She proposed. I thought I meant something to her, we fought for prop 8 together and all I ask was for closure and she couldn’t give me that. I’m grateful for all the support and allies of the LGBT community. That’s what gets me through, the open minded people. People who share quotes. Music touches me, I guess sharing my story  was therapeutic as well.

My IG is Dale11_20

Dale- I honestly have no idea what you are going through.  I have never been personally faced with some of the issues that you are dealing with.  That being said, that never stopped me from feeling empathy and compassion for you.  There is little else that hurts more than what we feel is betrayal from those closest to us, who were supposed to love us and have our backs.  I’m so sorry for what you have been experiencing.  Though I know you will be better and stronger for it in the end- it doesn’t take away the sting and the pain while it’s happening.  You said something that gave me pause: “I’m so scared. I don’t know if i’m doing this because of what happened to me, or if I’m doing this for myself”.  Dale- please- take the time to think through and know what you are doing and why you are doing it.  There will always be time to get surgeries done in the future… you don’t need to do it on May 16th if you don’t feel like you have a full understanding of why you are doing it.  Go into something like that with full understanding and confidence in your decision.  Push it off… if for only long enough to be sure you are doing it for you and not for any other reason.  We believe in you.  We’ve got your back.  You’ve got a safe place here.  We are rooting for you.  -Kate

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